Empty Nest is Full of Life

By Mary Kingsley

[This article is reprinted with permission from mySysters.]

Friends my age post on Facebook:

So quiet with the kids gone (frowny face)!

I miss my teenagers!

What will I do with myself now that the nest is empty?!

They all sound so sad! They even talk about crying. Am I doing it wrong?

ROOTS AND WINGS

When my youngest left for college, I could easily have posted:
So quiet with the kids gone (smiley face)!
I miss my teenagers (not)!

What CAN’T I do, now that the nest is empty?!!

I love my kids.

I am very happy with the people they have become, and I wouldn’t trade them for anyone else’s kids.

They are really great kids.

But— I felt a huge sense of release, and relief, when I finally had the house all to myself.

It was just me now.

Of course, mothers who are married have to adjust to a different reality – being alone with their husbands for the first time in many years, for better or worse.

I hear from my friends that this is definitely a mixed bag.

Some couples find a renewed sense of marriage – their relationship must readjust, and sometimes this is the best thing for them.

Other friends confide in me that they suddenly find that they have little in common with the man they married and they worry about what will happen now that it’s just the two of them, with no buffer, no distractions.

But for me, and widows like me, or divorced women, or single mothers – the empty nest means truly that.

It’s just you (and maybe a pet or two).

While some may find this sudden drop into a life of solitude alarming, I reveled in it.
Suddenly, there was nobody to pick up after, drive anywhere, or pussyfoot around.

I had not realized to what extent my life revolved around my children and to what extent I had altered my behavior to accommodate them.

Granted, that was my own choice – I doubt my kids would have ever said, “Geez Mom, maybe you should stop doing that project you liked so much so you can drive me to my after-school activities and do my laundry,” but it just happened that way.

I knew that my kids were only living at home for a limited time and that I was all they had.

They needed me to do a lot of the things I did for them, and I mostly wanted to do them.

I wanted to be a reliable, helpful adult in their lives.

But it did mean that all of the stuff I was doing: the chores, and the chauffeuring, and listening to their problems or making myself disappear at times when they had noisy friends over, no longer needed to be done.

FOOTLOOSE AND FANCY FREE

Secondly, I could just relax and let loose.

I could play the loud music I liked without fear of recrimination or mocking (yes, I LIKE Whitney Houston, dammit!), and I could watch whatever dumb TV shows I wanted without anybody rolling their eyes at me.

I found myself leaving the bathroom door open, leaving the shower without a stitch on, singing and dancing in the kitchen whenever I damn well felt like it.

I loved my empty nest.

And I started doing all kinds of things I had either never done before (creative activities), or hadn’t done for years – like inviting gentleman callers to stay overnight.

Would my kids be shocked at my attitude?

Maybe.

Surprised?

Maybe not.

So if you’re facing the empty nest, don’t be sad.

Yes, it’s a new phase of life.

And yes, you sometimes miss the children you’ve raised, but the fact that you’ve raised them so that they are able to fly on their own is a cause for celebration!

The nest isn’t empty—YOU’RE still there!

For more information on midlife, menopause or perimenopause, visit mySysters.
[mySysters](https://apps.apple.com/app/id1196032521) is an app for women in **perimenopause** and **menopause**. Good Housekeeping and Woman’s Day named [mySysters](https://apps.apple.com/app/id1196032521) the **Best App for Women in Perimenopause** and a **Must Have App for Women**. 

Menopause and the Anxiety Loop

By Jennifer Upton

[This article is reprinted with permission from mySysters.]

Last month I was supposed to meet up with a friend for coffee.

She texted me at the last minute, “I can’t come out. I’m too anxious today. There’s just no way I can get on a crowded train.”

“No problem,” I said, “We’ll meet up when you’re feeling more social.”

We all have days like this. But they get more frequent as we journey through perimenopause and into menopause.

Menopause isn’t just physical!

IT’S IN YOUR HEAD

Changes in hormone levels can wreak havoc on mental health causing feelings of

* worry

* anxiety

* depression

* irritability

A study shows 58% of women aged 45–55 who were experiencing perimenopause had anxiety symptoms.

There are plenty of things to feel anxious about on a daily basis, but fluctuating hormones makes it worse.

“Did I lock the door when I left for work this morning?” becomes “I hope no one breaks in.”

“Why is the traffic so slow?” becomes “If I’m late, my boss will notice, and I won’t get that raise I wanted. If I don’t get the raise, I won’t be able to afford childcare anymore.”

“Will I be late for my doctor appointment?” becomes “I’ll have to re-schedule and ask for more time off work or arrange for child care again.”

“Did I send that email to my boss?” becomes, “If my co-worker beats me to it, then the boss will think I’m slow or forgetful. I’ll be replaced by someone younger.”

To make matters worse, going through perimenopause and menopause comes with new social stress.

Women who are going through menopause may encounter several physical changes that might have an impact on how they feel about themselves, their confidence, and their self-esteem.

Growing older in a culture that emphasizes youth can be quite discouraging.

Women in their mid-life frequently go through changes in self-worth and body image and might begin to reflect on their own mortality and ponder the significance or point of their existence.

Menopause can create an anxiety loop.

An anxiety loop is when we start to feel anxious about feeling anxious.

Our imagination is a wonderful tool that, when used wisely, can solve issues and inspire ingenuity to improve the world.

But when used incorrectly, it is so potent that it can conjure up situations in our minds that make us worry excessively.

This triggers our fight-or-flight reaction on a physical level, alerting the mind that a threat must be there right now.

Because of this, our mind becomes hypervigilant for danger and searches for a reason to justify the discomfort that our bodies are experiencing.

This in turn makes otherwise normal events seem threatening, which further arouses our overall fear and threat response.

And so, the anxiety loop escalates – feeding on itself like a faulty feedback mechanism.

Ways to manage menopause anxiety on your own

Breathe and count to 10!

Give yourself the time and space you need to work through what is a very stressful life change is crucial. It is a significant physical and psychological transition.

Give yourself time to wind down before bed to improve sleep

Exercise regularly even if it’s just a walk around the block

Be patient with yourself. If you don’t feel like meeting up for coffee, communicate how you’re feeling clearly to your friends and family. They can be a great source of support

Yoga

Meditation

If you’re having night sweats, keep the room cool

Listen to calming music (I like Dan Gibson’s Solitudes series)

Pamper yourself! Take a hot bath with scented candles or go to the salon or spa

Indulge in a bit of nostalgia

My favorite thing to do when I’m stressed is to watch an old movie I’ve seen before.

Rewatching movies can have a relaxing effect and can help with emotional management, according to researchers Cristel Russell and Sidney Levy.

Simply expressed, this means that since you already know the outcome, you already know how it will affect you emotionally.

Re-watching something might help you feel safe and in control of your emotions, which can be helpful if you're going through a stressful situation.

If some movies are associated with certain memories, movies can also make you feel nostalgic.

Perhaps you saw them as a child, and seeing them again as an adult allows you to reflect on earlier times.

Holiday films are particularly good for mental health, even in summer!

A recent study found that warmth and comfort are two physical manifestations of nostalgia.

What if I Need More Help?

If you’ve tried everything, but are still struggling, there are many options available for people experiencing anxiety.

Choose one of the many forms of talk therapy

CBT (Cognitive Behavior Therapy)

Talk to your GP about medication - you may have another form of anxiety exacerbated by perimenopause or menopause such as Generalized Anxiety Disorder.

Talk to your GP about HRT

Remember, the brain and body are continually communicating with one another through signals.

It's a feedback mechanism made to control our energy systems and adjust to any situation we may face.

So, take that day off and go to the spa.

Watch a movie when you get home and call your best friend.

Most of all, remember, there is no shame in asking for help!

[mySysters](https://apps.apple.com/app/id1196032521) is an app for women in **perimenopause** and **menopause**. Good Housekeeping and Woman’s Day named [mySysters](https://apps.apple.com/app/id1196032521) the **Best App for Women in Perimenopause** and a **Must Have App for Women**.

The information and other content provided in this blog, website or in any linked materials are not intended and should not be considered, or used as a substitute for, medical advice, diagnosis or treatment.

Jennifer Upton is an American (non-werewolf) writer/editor in London.

She currently works as a freelance ghostwriter of personal memoirs and writes for several blogs

on topics as diverse as film history, punk rock, women’s issues, and international politics.

For links to her work, please visit https://www.jennuptonwriter.com or send her a Tweet

@Jennxldn

For more information on menopause or perimenopause, visit mySysters.

Sources:

https://www.nhsinform.scot/healthy-living/womens-health/later-years-around-50-years-and-over/menopause-and-post-menopause-health/menopause-and-your-mental-wellbeing

https://www.menopause.org/for-women/menopauseflashes/menopause-symptoms-and-treatments/going-mad-in-perimenopause-signs-and-solutions

https://patient.info/mental-health/anxiety

https://patient.info/news-and-features/why-do-we-find-it-comforting-to-rewatch-our-favourite-movies

https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2012/12/121203082050.htm

https://rollercoaster.ie/occasions/christmas/so-it-turns-out-watching-christmas-films-is-good-for-your-health/

https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/317552

https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/depression

https://welldoing.org/article/anxiety-loop-how-to-escape-it

https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/drugs-and-treatments/talking-therapy-and-counselling/cognitive-behavioural-therapy-cbt/

https://www.nhs.uk/mental-health/talking-therapies-medicine-treatments/talking-therapies-and-counselling/types-of-talking-therapies/

https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/anxiety-disorders

Hormone Fluctuations Can Be a Headache in Menopause

By Cindy Moy Carr, founder of mySysters

[This article is reprinted with permission from mySysters.]

The First Migraine

The headache started while I was running errands on a Saturday morning.

I was in my early 40s, and this headache felt different than any I’d ever experienced.

Within a few minutes the pain worsened, and I headed for home.

By the time I reached my house—less than 15  minutes—the pain and nausea were so bad I was seeing spots and could barely walk to the bedroom.

I’d never had a migraine but I’d cared for a friend who had, so I was fairly certain I was experiencing my first one.

Convinced it was a fluke, I went on with life once it passed.

A few weeks later, a second migraine hit; this one even worse.

I knew from caring for my friend that migraines normally begin when people are teenagers.

Why would I get migraines in my 40s?

It would be a decade and dozens of fruitless doctor appointments before the word ‘perimenopause’ would enter my vocabulary.

Nearly 20 years later and we’re still woefully uninformed about the link between migraines, headaches and hormones.

The Estrogen Effect

Estrogen is involved in the development and regulation of the female reproductive system.

Headaches can be triggered whenever estrogen levels fluctuate, including drops in estrogen levels around the menstrual cycle.

Women may also experience more frequent headaches at the onset of menopause and after a hysterectomy.

Pre-adolescent girls and boys suffer from headaches with equal frequency.

However, it occurs more often in girls during puberty or the beginning of menstruation and resolves only after menopause.

To find out if your menstrual cycle is affecting your headaches, try keeping a calendar of when your symptoms start.

If you see a pattern, your doctor may be able to offer some preventive measures and treatments, such as stopping your menstrual cycle, possibly with the help of medication, if the pain is extreme.

Migraine headaches can be particularly troublesome during the transition from perimenopause to menopause.

What is a migraine?

Migraine is a type of headache characterized by pain, nausea, and sensitivity to light and sound.

They usually affect one side of the head and can last hours or days.

For many women, perimenopausal hormonal headaches may be due to the hormonal fluctuations that occur during this time.

Perimenopausal symptoms such as sleep disturbances, stress, and hot flashes can also trigger migraines.

How To Tell If It's A Migraine Or A Severe Headache 

But how do you tell if it's a normal headache or something more severe like a migraine?

A few things to note:

• Location: Migraines usually cause headaches on only one side, whereas tension headaches usually affect both sides.

• Intensity: Migraines are often much more severe than tension headaches. If your headache is severe enough to interfere with your daily life, you may have a migraine.

• Duration: Migraines usually last for hours (or days), while tension headaches are shorter.

• Symptoms: In addition to pain, migraines often cause other symptoms such as nausea, dizziness, and sensitivity to light and noise. Tension headaches, on the other hand, are usually not accompanied by other symptoms.

Of course, the only way to know for sure if you have menopausal headaches is to see a doctor.

However, if you're unsure whether to see a doctor, use these guidelines to help you decide if it's worth it.

Migraine Headache Symptoms

• typically last four to 72 hours (this includes pre-headache and post-headache symptoms)

• spots or zigzag lines in vision (only among 15–25 percent of headache sufferers)

• pain on one side of the head (15 percent of patients can have pain on both sides)

• pain worsened by physical activity

• sensitivity to light, sound or smell

• nausea and/or vomiting (patients with tension type headaches typically do not have nausea)

Perimenopausal Headache Treatment

Although there is no cure for migraines, there are treatments that can help reduce the frequency and intensity of migraine.

For some women, hormone replacement therapy (HRT)/menopausal hormone therapy (MHT) helps relieve migraines, while others benefit from acupuncture and chiropractic care.

Over-the-counter pain relievers such as ibuprofen and acetaminophen can help relieve pain, while prescription drugs such as triptans can provide more targeted relief.

A healthy lifestyle with an emphasis on stress reduction and sleep hygiene may be recommended for migraine.

Nonetheless, every woman's case is unique, so talk to your doctor to find the best treatment plan for you.

Although it is estimated that menopausal migraines will be experienced at some point in life, there are some things women can do to prevent migraines during this time.

First, it's important to maintain a regular sleep schedule and get enough rest. Adding hot flashes and night sweats is easier said than done, but it's worth a try.

Second, staying hydrated is important because dehydration can cause migraines. Drink plenty of water throughout the day and avoid caffeine and alcohol. Both can cause dehydration.

Finally, try to control your stress levels, as stress is a common trigger for menopausal migraines.

Exercise, meditation, and deep breathing can help reduce stress.

Hopefully, following these tips will reduce your chances of suffering from pre- and post-menopausal migraines.

HRT is not a cure for migraines, but migraine sufferers can use certain types of HRT to control other menopausal symptoms. People with headaches respond differently to HRT. Overall, migraines generally worsen with hormone therapy.

If you are taking HRT to control other menopausal symptoms and find that your headaches get worse, switch to a transdermal formulation (HRT patch or gel) or reduce your estrogen dose.

Transdermal formulations (HRT patches or gels) are usually the safest for people with migraines. This is because people who regularly experience migraines may be at risk for certain medical conditions. Taking HRT transdermally greatly reduces this risk.

HRT works to some extent, but it's not for everyone. Talk to your doctor about whether it's right for you.

For more information on menopause or perimenopause, visit mySysters.

The information and other content provided in this blog, website or in any linked materials

are not intended and should not be considered, or used as a substitute for, medical advice,

diagnosis or treatment.

Sources:

https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/health/wellness-and-prevention/headaches-and-women-what-do-hormones-have-to-do-with-it

https://americanmigrainefoundation.org/resource-library/migraine-and-menopause/

https://americanheadachesociety.org/news/understanding-and-treating-headache-related-to-menopause/

https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/chronic-daily-headaches/in-depth/headaches/art-20046729#:~:text=During%20perimenopause%20and%20menopause,t%20get%20any%20more%20periods.