Menopause and the Anxiety Loop

By Jennifer Upton

[This article is reprinted with permission from mySysters.]

Last month I was supposed to meet up with a friend for coffee.

She texted me at the last minute, “I can’t come out. I’m too anxious today. There’s just no way I can get on a crowded train.”

“No problem,” I said, “We’ll meet up when you’re feeling more social.”

We all have days like this. But they get more frequent as we journey through perimenopause and into menopause.

Menopause isn’t just physical!

IT’S IN YOUR HEAD

Changes in hormone levels can wreak havoc on mental health causing feelings of

* worry

* anxiety

* depression

* irritability

A study shows 58% of women aged 45–55 who were experiencing perimenopause had anxiety symptoms.

There are plenty of things to feel anxious about on a daily basis, but fluctuating hormones makes it worse.

“Did I lock the door when I left for work this morning?” becomes “I hope no one breaks in.”

“Why is the traffic so slow?” becomes “If I’m late, my boss will notice, and I won’t get that raise I wanted. If I don’t get the raise, I won’t be able to afford childcare anymore.”

“Will I be late for my doctor appointment?” becomes “I’ll have to re-schedule and ask for more time off work or arrange for child care again.”

“Did I send that email to my boss?” becomes, “If my co-worker beats me to it, then the boss will think I’m slow or forgetful. I’ll be replaced by someone younger.”

To make matters worse, going through perimenopause and menopause comes with new social stress.

Women who are going through menopause may encounter several physical changes that might have an impact on how they feel about themselves, their confidence, and their self-esteem.

Growing older in a culture that emphasizes youth can be quite discouraging.

Women in their mid-life frequently go through changes in self-worth and body image and might begin to reflect on their own mortality and ponder the significance or point of their existence.

Menopause can create an anxiety loop.

An anxiety loop is when we start to feel anxious about feeling anxious.

Our imagination is a wonderful tool that, when used wisely, can solve issues and inspire ingenuity to improve the world.

But when used incorrectly, it is so potent that it can conjure up situations in our minds that make us worry excessively.

This triggers our fight-or-flight reaction on a physical level, alerting the mind that a threat must be there right now.

Because of this, our mind becomes hypervigilant for danger and searches for a reason to justify the discomfort that our bodies are experiencing.

This in turn makes otherwise normal events seem threatening, which further arouses our overall fear and threat response.

And so, the anxiety loop escalates – feeding on itself like a faulty feedback mechanism.

Ways to manage menopause anxiety on your own

Breathe and count to 10!

Give yourself the time and space you need to work through what is a very stressful life change is crucial. It is a significant physical and psychological transition.

Give yourself time to wind down before bed to improve sleep

Exercise regularly even if it’s just a walk around the block

Be patient with yourself. If you don’t feel like meeting up for coffee, communicate how you’re feeling clearly to your friends and family. They can be a great source of support

Yoga

Meditation

If you’re having night sweats, keep the room cool

Listen to calming music (I like Dan Gibson’s Solitudes series)

Pamper yourself! Take a hot bath with scented candles or go to the salon or spa

Indulge in a bit of nostalgia

My favorite thing to do when I’m stressed is to watch an old movie I’ve seen before.

Rewatching movies can have a relaxing effect and can help with emotional management, according to researchers Cristel Russell and Sidney Levy.

Simply expressed, this means that since you already know the outcome, you already know how it will affect you emotionally.

Re-watching something might help you feel safe and in control of your emotions, which can be helpful if you're going through a stressful situation.

If some movies are associated with certain memories, movies can also make you feel nostalgic.

Perhaps you saw them as a child, and seeing them again as an adult allows you to reflect on earlier times.

Holiday films are particularly good for mental health, even in summer!

A recent study found that warmth and comfort are two physical manifestations of nostalgia.

What if I Need More Help?

If you’ve tried everything, but are still struggling, there are many options available for people experiencing anxiety.

Choose one of the many forms of talk therapy

CBT (Cognitive Behavior Therapy)

Talk to your GP about medication - you may have another form of anxiety exacerbated by perimenopause or menopause such as Generalized Anxiety Disorder.

Talk to your GP about HRT

Remember, the brain and body are continually communicating with one another through signals.

It's a feedback mechanism made to control our energy systems and adjust to any situation we may face.

So, take that day off and go to the spa.

Watch a movie when you get home and call your best friend.

Most of all, remember, there is no shame in asking for help!

[mySysters](https://apps.apple.com/app/id1196032521) is an app for women in **perimenopause** and **menopause**. Good Housekeeping and Woman’s Day named [mySysters](https://apps.apple.com/app/id1196032521) the **Best App for Women in Perimenopause** and a **Must Have App for Women**.

The information and other content provided in this blog, website or in any linked materials are not intended and should not be considered, or used as a substitute for, medical advice, diagnosis or treatment.

Jennifer Upton is an American (non-werewolf) writer/editor in London.

She currently works as a freelance ghostwriter of personal memoirs and writes for several blogs

on topics as diverse as film history, punk rock, women’s issues, and international politics.

For links to her work, please visit https://www.jennuptonwriter.com or send her a Tweet

@Jennxldn

For more information on menopause or perimenopause, visit mySysters.

Sources:

https://www.nhsinform.scot/healthy-living/womens-health/later-years-around-50-years-and-over/menopause-and-post-menopause-health/menopause-and-your-mental-wellbeing

https://www.menopause.org/for-women/menopauseflashes/menopause-symptoms-and-treatments/going-mad-in-perimenopause-signs-and-solutions

https://patient.info/mental-health/anxiety

https://patient.info/news-and-features/why-do-we-find-it-comforting-to-rewatch-our-favourite-movies

https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2012/12/121203082050.htm

https://rollercoaster.ie/occasions/christmas/so-it-turns-out-watching-christmas-films-is-good-for-your-health/

https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/317552

https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/depression

https://welldoing.org/article/anxiety-loop-how-to-escape-it

https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/drugs-and-treatments/talking-therapy-and-counselling/cognitive-behavioural-therapy-cbt/

https://www.nhs.uk/mental-health/talking-therapies-medicine-treatments/talking-therapies-and-counselling/types-of-talking-therapies/

https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/anxiety-disorders

I'm Lost (& the Magic Fairies are Angered)

by Cindy Moy (founder of Hot Flash Sisters)

There’s supposed to be a video on the HFS Facebook page of blogger Miriam Queensen playing the drums during her band’s recent performance. Don’t bother looking for it. Getting the video clip for the page was my job and I didn’t arrive in time.

I wish I could give you a great and valid reason for this but I can’t. I was late because when I walked into the bedroom to get ready I had what I can only describe as ‘A Moment.’

A moment when I sat down and decided to not leave. Ever.

Not a panic attack or an anxiety attack. Simply a moment. The world could go on out there while I stayed in my bedroom.

Then I pulled myself together and drove to see Miriam. I’d missed the band’s set and there would be no video but she would be hanging out watching other bands and I wanted to hang out with Miriam, whom I’ve known for more than a decade.

When I told her about The Moment she didn’t judge or chastise me.

Instead she said something that made me laugh out loud: “You always seem like you have it all together.”

Her comment reminded me of a conversation I’d had with my friend (and HFS blogger) Katrina Woznicki a couple of weeks earlier. Katrina and I are both trying to help teen daughters navigate in a social media obsessed culture.

We talked about how people have two selves: the real self and the possible self (the person they want to be), and how they show the world the possible self on social media. Except other people think the possible self shown on social media is the person their friend is all the time—the real self.

Katrina talked about the importance of showing her real self more on social media as an example to her daughter—words that came back to me while talking with Miriam.

“I don’t know what I’m doing,” I told Miriam. “I’m barely getting through each day an hour at a time. But next month I’ll get video of your band doing the George Michael set. I promise.”

Don’t bother looking for a video of Miriam’s band doing the George Michael set on the HFS Facebook page. I didn’t get it. Granted, I’d just had minor surgery and was taking narcotic pain medication but still, it was a broken promise.

My possible self doesn’t break promises. My possible self—the one I show on Facebook or sitting in church or even when I run into people at the grocery store—is nothing like my real self.

Do we want to show people our real selves? As my grandmother used to say, ‘Don’t air your dirty laundry in public.’

There’s no need to run around telling everyone our problems—people have enough problems of their own and don’t want to hear about ours.

But it’s also ridiculous to pretend that we have no problems—that our marriages are always happy, our children are brilliant and popular, our friendships are all intact and our homes are spotless and company-ready.

Here’s a few unvarnished truths about my real self:

I have two therapists. (Don't you feel better already?) One to help me get my act together after being out of the professional world for a number of years and one to help me navigate what I'll simply call 'personal muck.'

I’m estranged from half my family.

One of the best moms I know once told me to figure out which page my kids are on and meet them there. I have no idea which page my teenage daughter is on. I don’t even know which book she’s in. Hell, I don’t even have a map to the library she’s at.

My birth mother refused to meet me, stating she prefers to think of me as dead.

And things get worse from there.

Despite that, life is good. The kids are healthy and amazing and refuse my offers to get them therapists of their own to counter any damage I'm convinced I'm doing. (See 'Family History'^^)

My sister is my best friend and my other friends are like sisters. (Except the men, who are now the Frostbite Bros.)

There’s a roof over our heads, food on the table and clean water coming out of the tap. Those 3 things alone are more material riches than most have in the world.

I may not know what I’m doing but I’m not complaining.

Life hands us enough challenges—let’s cut each other and ourselves some slack, shall we? Less judging, more supporting.

Let’s be real, Sisters. The next time you see me post, say, a video of cathedral bells while visiting Newcastle upon Tyne and think that I--as my friend Rebecca recently said to me--'live an incredibly rich and intellectually fulfilling life,' [insert hysterical laughter here] please remember that I managed to get lost while following the sound of those bells.

And while using the map app to get back to my hotel I somehow managed to anger the magic fairies that live in my phone and was slapped with a $25 roaming charge. Flagging a taxi to drive me back would have cost me the equivalent of about $5.

Seriously...No. Clue. What. I'm. Doing. But that's not going to stop me from moving forward.

To join the Hot Flash Sisters, download the free app now: